Listening is for lovers
As I took myself to account as being the reason I am not experiencing a feeling of family with those around me who are offing that gift, God revealed, as He always does, many things.
So to continue our conversation about the need for family I want to share with you a couple of practical things, some gospel truth, and the love of our Jesus. Because after all, without Him at the center and as the reason for everything we do life becomes a heavy list of do’s and don’ts and not the free gift filled with joy and hope He died and was resurrected to provide for us.
We always want to know what it looks like. We need examples of how it looks to live out the things we believe Jesus has asked of us. First we have to remember that any change we need is a heart change, a different way of believing. Not a behavioral change brought on by the ability to act differently. Second we need to be reminded that the only way a heart changes is in and by the Holy Spirit. It is not within our power to even raise our hands and attest to the fact that we believe in Jesus as Savior without the living Spirit of God in us allowing our physical body to proclaim this truth. The same is true of heart change; the Spirit is the only one who can compel us to believe differently.
That said, do not take what I am about to say as examples of ways you can behave differently. Look to them as things that will convict or confirm in your heart what you truly believe and attest to as the outpouring of your heart.
So- if nothing kills a family faster than selfishness…
When communicating with members of your family (including the family of believers) whether called to confront a brother or sister in love, speaking love in truth, finding out more about the story of their lives, really any opportunity we have to communicate- enter the conversation asking – how can I show this person that they are more important to me than myself?
A part of loving someone well is to love them more than you love yourself. And I have found that the best way to show this is to listen. What people need most from us as their family is not our wisdom or advice, it is to listen to them and to the Holy Spirit on their behalf which cannot be done if you are thinking of the next thing you are going to say while they are talking. Which brings me to my next idea.
While listening, do a heart check and see how often you mind wonders back to you, your response, or distracted thoughts. You may think you are good at multitasking during a conversation, you are not and nothing reveals your lack of love for that person as quickly as letting your mind wonder to other things while someone is talking to you.
The gospel truth of this is – you are loved. You are loved first and if you let Him, He will fill you with a love for Himself that is so grand and so great that it cannot help but pour out of your full heart and life onto those around you in a life affirming way. You will not love others well until you have let Him love you.
Which brings us to belief. Do you believe that Jesus was enough? That His death was sufficient for your sin and that you are forgiven and loved and are now and not yet a restored child of the creator Father? Because underneath selfishness is the fear that He was not enough and you are still held to the consequences of your sin.
What does your life, what do your relationships, what about your thoughts- what does the evidence of your life say you believe?
